Well, we are making alot of trips to the nearest children's hospital for Janie. We are seeing a Pediatric Orthopedic for her club foot, we are seeing a Pediatric Radiologist for a Swallow Study & a Nuerologist for her low tone issue's she is having.. These trips have only begun, as our 1st appt with the radiologist is the 31st and the appt with the nuerologist is May 2nd. We've been going to orthopedic since she was maybe 2 months old, often. And, my, are the trips getting expensive. We now have a maxed out credit card and many more trips to come.
I have an absessed tooth, I've been taking antibiotics for 1 1/2 days. My cheek is swollen. Praying in the morning it has gone down, or I'm gonna call the dentist. It's hard because there is no extra money for a dentist trip, especially the dentist trip I need.
Leaving it all up to God, I need him and without him I wouldn't make it thru.
I had talked about being a surrogate. I love this idea. Would love to for this for someone one day. I have a friend that can't have a baby. She wants one so badly. I have four and am completely done, but am slightly sad in not being able to be pregnant, again. I did get my tubes tied, so I can't get pregnant again, did I mention I have 4 kids, lol? But I would think, that wouldn't keep me from having someone else's baby. But in the end they decided they couldn't afford to do it. It could be hard to carry a baby that is not mine, but what a gift to give, right? It would be the hardest thing that I had ever done, but one of the most rewarding!!
I have decided that this is the "year" where I learn who I am, who I am to become. I know I am Stephen's wife. I know I am Cara, Gabriel, Janie & Sophie's mom. But who is Heather? I think my craziness was 1/2 hormones and the other half, not being satisfied with me. I think turning 30, is my year to define me.
I need a money tree or someone to donate money for medical trips and dental surguries... (Do you see where my train of thought is really right now?)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sophie cleaning the floor
Sophie gets a wipey, "cleans" with it, then when it is dry, she spits on it to clean some more :P
My small girls and my frustrations...
Sophie has lost 1 lb, between 12 to 18 months. Janie has to, but it is hard to tell exactly how much, because of the casts. He said I should give them some pedia sure, beni fiber instead of juice. They are just small girls Janie is 18 lbs 12 ounces & Sophie is 19 lbs & 1 oz. They only grew 1/4 of an inch, taller.
Can I just say I am so tired of people's comments, example: You need to feed them more - believe me if they'd keep down the more that I try to give them, it'd work. Feed them healthy food, no junk - all my girls eat is healthy, fruits, veggies and such, very little to no junk. They are the healthies kids I know, food wise. All kids are picky eaters at this age - these girls are the non-pickiest eaters I know, that is not the case.. I get these comments from people I know, people that do care. I get them from people that don't know us. I get them from doctors and the most hurtful, even my husband.
My husband for the most part has no clue, as he doesn't have much day to day interaction with the girls.(they go to bed anywhere from 15 min - 45 min after he gets home from work) But he wants to play everything off as nothing to worry about. Like I am trying to make big deals out of nothing.
I am just so tired of carrying the weight of it all on my own. And I am so tired of taking all the blame of it all on myself. Yes, I put some there and others are more then free to put it there on me as well. I feel like I receive blame for everything and most of it is not my doing, I have no control, no say over anything, but yet it is my fault.
And I am frustrated, that I take it all upon me, I take what others have to give. I let others do basically whatever, with no thought for my thoughts or feelings, I have no say, nothing I say matters, nothing I do is good enough, what I say isn't any good until someone else says it. I mean I take everything and do what I can, but I don't receive any thank yous, no considerations. Which is no big deal, except when it comes to the people closest to me. The ones that it matters most. I just want to feel loved, valued, appreciated, like even every once in awhile my best is good enough. I want to feel that I am wanted for more than just mothering and you know.. I want to feel as if he cares enough to take a moment and send me an 1 sentence email, reply to me on facebook, send me a message on facebook, actually call me from work every now & again, buy me a candy bar, a magazine, a little note when I wake up, actually go to bed with me every once in awhile. I don't feel like I ask too much, I feel like I give these things to him, I feel like I give him positive words and qctions to know I am thankful and I care, beyond the bedroom. And he'd probably get ,pre bedroom time, if I got any of these things just because he wants to or even if he only does it because I enjoy them. Without expecting somethng in return.
O'kay I have totally had a tantrum on here, but I needed to get these things off my chest. ttyl
Can I just say I am so tired of people's comments, example: You need to feed them more - believe me if they'd keep down the more that I try to give them, it'd work. Feed them healthy food, no junk - all my girls eat is healthy, fruits, veggies and such, very little to no junk. They are the healthies kids I know, food wise. All kids are picky eaters at this age - these girls are the non-pickiest eaters I know, that is not the case.. I get these comments from people I know, people that do care. I get them from people that don't know us. I get them from doctors and the most hurtful, even my husband.
My husband for the most part has no clue, as he doesn't have much day to day interaction with the girls.(they go to bed anywhere from 15 min - 45 min after he gets home from work) But he wants to play everything off as nothing to worry about. Like I am trying to make big deals out of nothing.
I am just so tired of carrying the weight of it all on my own. And I am so tired of taking all the blame of it all on myself. Yes, I put some there and others are more then free to put it there on me as well. I feel like I receive blame for everything and most of it is not my doing, I have no control, no say over anything, but yet it is my fault.
And I am frustrated, that I take it all upon me, I take what others have to give. I let others do basically whatever, with no thought for my thoughts or feelings, I have no say, nothing I say matters, nothing I do is good enough, what I say isn't any good until someone else says it. I mean I take everything and do what I can, but I don't receive any thank yous, no considerations. Which is no big deal, except when it comes to the people closest to me. The ones that it matters most. I just want to feel loved, valued, appreciated, like even every once in awhile my best is good enough. I want to feel that I am wanted for more than just mothering and you know.. I want to feel as if he cares enough to take a moment and send me an 1 sentence email, reply to me on facebook, send me a message on facebook, actually call me from work every now & again, buy me a candy bar, a magazine, a little note when I wake up, actually go to bed with me every once in awhile. I don't feel like I ask too much, I feel like I give these things to him, I feel like I give him positive words and qctions to know I am thankful and I care, beyond the bedroom. And he'd probably get ,pre bedroom time, if I got any of these things just because he wants to or even if he only does it because I enjoy them. Without expecting somethng in return.
O'kay I have totally had a tantrum on here, but I needed to get these things off my chest. ttyl
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
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