January - May 2012 Update

I know, I know, I say I am going to upkeep this place. I mean to keep up with it all, I want to keep track, but I can't seem to keep up :P But here is what all is going on.. :) Sophie is doing great. She's starting to talk in 4 word sentences, she has quite the attitude and a little sassy too :) But she is so friendly, outgoing, bubbly. When she runs, there is a bounce in her step, so very cute! She is deathly scared of bugs; this includes flies, moths, knats, spiders anything that isn't human or pet. :) And she's a little bit of a drama queen, but it's because her big sis has taught her well.

Janie is doing good in her speech, she has started some signing, which has helped with her speech. She counts from 1 to 5 then 8 to 10. :) She is delayed, but oh so smart too.. I know she's gonna catch up and be fine!! She is quiet and reserved, but the sweetest little thing. She has been to the urologist lately, they ran a test and everything appears to be fine. They'll keep a check on it once a year just to make sure all is well. We found out that she has scoliosis. Next week we are meeting up with the nuerologist, we'll see how that appt goes. She's fixing to go again in June for another test in Urology, where they blow her bladder up with air and make sure everything is flowing right, does this sound right? Anyways, a test and then meeting with the urologist is coming up. then another MRI and meeting with the nuerosugeon is coming up in june as well. Then in September we meet with a new orthopedic surgeon to get a 2nd opinion and meet with the rehabilitation dr. Alot of stuff is going on, hopefully in the midst of it, we can either get a diagnosis or get her walking. The last appt we had with the rehabilitaion dr, she said that Janie has th eupper leg strength, so she will be able to walk. Which is nothing I have ever questioned. #1 We have prayed and prayed, I have left it in God's hands. He has told me that he has heard me, he knows what I ask and it is time that I thank him for what he's doing. He has Janie in his hands, he is taking care of her. #2 I have had a dream. And I know this dream was from God. In this dream Janie was playing in the middle of the floor, doing a teepee look, where her head is on the floor, her feet are on the floor and her hiney is up in the air. Her feet are off to the side like they are when she stands. All the sudden I hear a pop, look her saw and she is tanding up with her feet flat footed on the floor. Not believing what I saw I looked away and looked back and she was walking without aid, without shoes, bare footed. I know that she is going to be healed, I know sh eis going to walk and she'll have a testimony of what an awesome God we serve. Not that I don't get poopy, poor me, poor her, where are you god, what's taking so long?? But I have that promise to hold on to, I know this is going to happen, we are just waiting on God's timing. this is how she stands...

This is janie with our new doggy, Lucy, she loves her so much!! :)

Cara is doing well. She's getting into this being too big for her britches. She wants to do chores to make money, but she doesn't actually want to do chores. I get tired of reminding her. I ended up saying she'd get $10 ever 2 weeks, make up a list, divide it all up, so I know exactly how much she gets each chore, each day. So when she skips that chore, that same amount gets subtracted. She did awesome for 1 week and now the 2nd week she has skipped every chore, for 3 days. I'm not gonna remind her. So at this rate what she "made" last week will get taken away by her "vacation" this week. :P Oh, well, whatever, she's gotta learn somehow, someway. She is really a pretty good helper. She's so ready for school to be over, but I'm not exactly ready for all 4 kids home for the summer. I'm thinking there may be a chance I won't have any hair left after the summer is said and done. :P Here she is at easter

Here's Gabe at easter

Gabriel is getting so huge!! I swear, he's going to be a football player, he is a solid build. :) He starts school come this August, I am kinda scared, lol. He's just all over the place, such a boy, I'm positive it is nothing more. But man, am I worried about school. He has been going to speech therapy for near a year. Just trying to straighten up his "lazy" speech before school starts, he has really come a long way. hopefully alot more will be corrected before August. He is such a sensitive boy, I just love him to peices. You always hear, that there is something different between a mother and a son, I didn't believe it until I had Gabe and now I know what they mean. He is my little buddy!! Novemberish he had out his tonsils and andoids, I can tell such a huge difference is his sleep and snoring. Best thing we oculd have done for him, other than maybe preschool, but I cherish this last year with them as my babies. Cara was no worse for the wear, hopefully he'll be fine.. :)

What's new??

Well, we are making alot of trips to the nearest children's hospital for Janie. We are seeing a Pediatric Orthopedic for her club foot, we are seeing a Pediatric Radiologist for a Swallow Study & a Nuerologist for her low tone issue's she is having.. These trips have only begun, as our 1st appt with the radiologist is the 31st and the appt with the nuerologist is May 2nd. We've been going to orthopedic since she was maybe 2 months old, often. And, my, are the trips getting expensive. We now have a maxed out credit card and many more trips to come.

I have an absessed tooth, I've been taking antibiotics for 1 1/2 days. My cheek is swollen. Praying in the morning it has gone down, or I'm gonna call the dentist. It's hard because there is no extra money for a dentist trip, especially the dentist trip I need.

Leaving it all up to God, I need him and without him I wouldn't make it thru.

I had talked about being a surrogate. I love this idea. Would love to for this for someone one day. I have a friend that can't have a baby. She wants one so badly. I have four and am completely done, but am slightly sad in not being able to be pregnant, again. I did get my tubes tied, so I can't get pregnant again, did I mention I have 4 kids, lol? But I would think, that wouldn't keep me from having someone else's baby. But in the end they decided they couldn't afford to do it. It could be hard to carry a baby that is not mine, but what a gift to give, right? It would be the hardest thing that I had ever done, but one of the most rewarding!!

I have decided that this is the "year" where I learn who I am, who I am to become. I know I am Stephen's wife. I know I am Cara, Gabriel, Janie & Sophie's mom. But who is Heather? I think my craziness was 1/2 hormones and the other half, not being satisfied with me. I think turning 30, is my year to define me.

I need a money tree or someone to donate money for medical trips and dental surguries... (Do you see where my train of thought is really right now?)

Sophie cleaning the floor

Sophie gets a wipey, "cleans" with it, then when it is dry, she spits on it to clean some more :P

Janie in her casts..

My small girls and my frustrations...

Sophie has lost 1 lb, between 12 to 18 months. Janie has to, but it is hard to tell exactly how much, because of the casts. He said I should give them some pedia sure, beni fiber instead of juice. They are just small girls Janie is 18 lbs 12 ounces & Sophie is 19 lbs & 1 oz. They only grew 1/4 of an inch, taller.

Can I just say I am so tired of people's comments, example: You need to feed them more - believe me if they'd keep down the more that I try to give them, it'd work. Feed them healthy food, no junk - all my girls eat is healthy, fruits, veggies and such, very little to no junk. They are the healthies kids I know, food wise. All kids are picky eaters at this age - these girls are the non-pickiest eaters I know, that is not the case.. I get these comments from people I know, people that do care. I get them from people that don't know us. I get them from doctors and the most hurtful, even my husband.

My husband for the most part has no clue, as he doesn't have much day to day interaction with the girls.(they go to bed anywhere from 15 min - 45 min after he gets home from work) But he wants to play everything off as nothing to worry about. Like I am trying to make big deals out of nothing.

I am just so tired of carrying the weight of it all on my own. And I am so tired of taking all the blame of it all on myself. Yes, I put some there and others are more then free to put it there on me as well. I feel like I receive blame for everything and most of it is not my doing, I have no control, no say over anything, but yet it is my fault.

And I am frustrated, that I take it all upon me, I take what others have to give. I let others do basically whatever, with no thought for my thoughts or feelings, I have no say, nothing I say matters, nothing I do is good enough, what I say isn't any good until someone else says it. I mean I take everything and do what I can, but I don't receive any thank yous, no considerations. Which is no big deal, except when it comes to the people closest to me. The ones that it matters most. I just want to feel loved, valued, appreciated, like even every once in awhile my best is good enough. I want to feel that I am wanted for more than just mothering and you know.. I want to feel as if he cares enough to take a moment and send me an 1 sentence email, reply to me on facebook, send me a message on facebook, actually call me from work every now & again, buy me a candy bar, a magazine, a little note when I wake up, actually go to bed with me every once in awhile. I don't feel like I ask too much, I feel like I give these things to him, I feel like I give him positive words and qctions to know I am thankful and I care, beyond the bedroom. And he'd probably get ,pre bedroom time, if I got any of these things just because he wants to or even if he only does it because I enjoy them. Without expecting somethng in return.

O'kay I have totally had a tantrum on here, but I needed to get these things off my chest. ttyl

giving the girls back to God

1st christmas